You are currently browsing the daily archive for May 5th, 2008.
I’m taking a break from my writing to share with you something I find highly amusing; the For Dummies series. My curiousity was aroused when I saw the edition enititled Sex For Dummies and wondered “if you need a basic manual you really shouldn’t be doing it” and since decided to see what other manifestations there are of this idiotic trend.
Here are some of the stranger ones and, no word of a lie, all of these are genuine.
Building Self-Confidence For Dummies. Really?? Trying to improve your confidence from a book that insults you in the title?? Dummy.
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy and Neuro-Linguistic Programming for Dummies. If you’re looking into something so scientific you may want to use a book that doesn’t have a picture of a moron on the front that signals to the rest of the class that you don’t really know what you’re doing and, yes, you’re a dummy. Dummy
Forensics for Dummies. If it’s not written by Columbo there’ll be nothing more reassuring at a murder scene than someone consulting this bad boy.
Screenwriting for Dummies. So that’s where the script for Transformers came from.
Hypnotherapy for Dummies. FUCKING HELL!!!! Seriously??!! Someone who considers themselves a dummy wants to know how to access the subconcious mind of other people? Run! Run away fast!
Counselling Skills for Dummies. Because, when you’re depressed, scared of the world or can’t stop grieving, you really want Bubba and his big book telling that “er….. everything will er….. be…… o….k”
Songwriting for Dummies. Ah, so that’s where the Transformers Soundtrack came from.
Hacking and Hacking Wireless Networks for Dummies. Really??? Is this to be encouraged in the first place let alone in a ‘for Dummies’ book?? And, no, BillGates is not a backdoor password to everything. Dummy.
British Citizenship Test for Dummies. You fail.
Breaking Into Acting for Dummies. Ah, so this is where Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Hudson came from.
George W Bush: For Dummies. Oh, no, wait; that was just his election slogan.
Religion for Dummies. It really is.
Nanotechnology for Dummies. No. No no.
Some titles where I can save you a few quid:
Stock Investing for Dummies. If you consider yourself a dummy, don’t do this.
Marathon Training for Dummies. Run. Run some more.
Call Centers for Dummies. They answer phones. You should work there, dummy.
Rabbits for Dummies. Buy one, name one, get it a hutch. Feed it, water it, stroke it. If it’s sick take it to the vet, don’t try and consult the obvioulsy medically trained yellow book for dummies. They’re cute, they’re fluffy and fuck like… well, rabbits.
Siberian Huskies for Dummies… Retired Racing Greyhounds for Dummies.. It’s a dog! Feed it, water it, stroke it, take it for a walk. In 300+ pages.
Catholicism for Dummies. Feel guilty.
The Internet for Dummies. It’s porn. A lot of porn.
Dogtricks for Dummies. If you buy this, your dog is already smarter than you.
ENOUGH People, ENOUGH! Seriously. What is the World coming to?
Back to the book.
